Her Guide To Life

An Unofficial Guide to Staying Sane(ish) in your 20s

Sunday, 30 October 2016

Blogtober #14: Here's to growing up, and growing apart

Some of you might have seen on Twitter last week that I had a certain... falling out, shall we say, with an old school friend over WhatsApp. For those of you that missed the drama, here are the screenshots of the conversation to get you up to speed (name has been omitted for privacy):

Basically, I had planned to go to Pizza Express with a guy who, for a couple of years, I did consider to be one of my closest friends. Unfortunately, this couple of years was between the ages of 16 and 18, where you are statistically most likely to be acting like a Class A Douche.

Even before this conversation, I was having second thoughts about meeting up with this guy. We haven't seen each other in over a year, barely talked, and to be honest, I hadn't really missed him. When we were both living at home in the summer during uni, I'd suggest meeting up to go for a drink or a meal or to see a film... and he'd ask me to meet him to sit on the back wall of the hairdressers near his house for a cigarette.

I spoke last week about my ex-boyfriend and how we were never right for each other... and maybe this is kind of the same thing.

Even though I already wasn't sure that I wanted to keep this guy in my life, I felt guilty to cut him off completely. Until he gave me the perfect reason to - he thinks that because I'm female, I'minferior to him.

I would say that maybe the way the conversation went is partly my fault, because this guy has said things like this to me before, when we were younger, and I haven't called him out. Except that would be victim-blaming. Unfortuately, and it seems so weird to think about it now, I was one of those teenage girls who went through a 'I just get on with boys better, they're more chilled out' phase (bleugh.)

Thanks God we do change. Thank GOD we don't feel the same way about things as we did when we were sixteen. But unfortunately, there will always be people in life who just don't want to see that. They want you to be the same person you were when they knew you for their own benefit. I don't know if I believe that these people are 'real' friends. I think real friends want to see you grow, and change, and develop, and they will do the same, and if you both care about each other enough and your values align... you'll stay friends. You shouldn't have to ask permission to be a different person from the one you were five years ago.

Picture credit: Cutthroat Hippie Gang
Of course, part of me is sad about the fact that I probably won't talk to this guy anymore. But you can't hold on to something for the simple fact that it's been in your life for a long time. I don't think it's a good enough reason.

He has his views. I have mine. To say that I can't tolerate his views is like saying I can't tolerate anybody religious, because I'm not religious. But I could not sit across from him at Pizza Express, knowing full well that he thought I was 'inferior' to him. I couldn't do it. So, unfortunately, he had to go.

Although some people might think that my reaction was a bit strong... I stand by it. I know this guy, and I know that I'm never going to change his mind on this, and I know myself well enough to know that I don't want to surround myself with somebody like that. I'm in my early 20s. This is my time to choose: choose my career, choose my habits, and choose my company. And I stand by my right to do that without being made to feel bad.

Bye bye, old friend. I truly am sorry that you've turned out to be a sexist pig. Thanks for the memories. Here's to growing up, and growing apart.

Hannah x

Feature image © Hannah Billie Perry

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1 comment

  1. I loved this post - I have definitely grown apart from friends over the years for reasons like this and honestly it is liberating to surround yourself with supportive people rather than those who bring negativity.



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