Her Guide To Life

An Unofficial Guide to Staying Sane(ish) in your 20s

Friday, 7 October 2016

Blogtober #4: Why We Need To Celebrate The Good Days


So yesterday was my 23rd birthday. Thank you SO much to anybody who wished me a happy birthday on Twitter, you honestly made my day, and I’m so sorry that I don’t know more of you in person (yet).



My birthday morning was lovely, opening cards and having an incredibly unhealthy breakfast, but things went swiftly downhill once I got into work. I’ve just started a new job, doing lots of things that I’ve never done before, with a MUCH bigger workload. I’m also still getting to know everybody that I work with. If you didn’t know this about me, I am quite an anxious person in a work environment. I HATE doing things wrong and the idea of coming into a new environment where I don’t know anybody, or how anything’s done, is pretty terrifying. Of course, everybody I work with is absolutely lovely and very helpful, but I’m still on edge for quite a lot of my day as I try and remember what to do, how things work, try to do those to the best of my ability and manage my time well. Oh yeah, as well as being the Marketing and Publicity Assistant, I’m also temporarily the receptionist for the whole building. And I HATE speaking on the phone. I’ve got better, but it’s still something that I DEFINITELY don’t enjoy.

So yeah. I went into work. My team got me a birthday cake, which they gave to me in the morning, and that’s when things started going pretty badly. I don’t know if it was the pressure of smiling and being grateful (which I was, of course), or if I just plain didn’t want to be at work on my birthday, but my anxiety was INCREDIBLY bad. So bad that when a song came on on the radio with the lyric ‘I’m not that manic anymore’, I actually had to run to the loo to let out a few tears. It was awful. I was overthinking everything I said, I couldn’t tell if people were happy, disappointed, or pissed off with me, I couldn’t look people in the eye properly, my voice kept catching…Yeah. It was terrible.

Picture credit: Relatably
I do put this down to the fact that a) it was my birthday, hence, I was re-evaluating my life and the choices I’ve made, which is guaranteed to put anybody in a bit of a headspin, and b) the fact that I’d taken my first anxiety medication for about four days (which is incredibly silly and something I don’t recommend to anybody – take your meds properly, guys). But it honestly got so bad that I started thinking: ‘I’m 23 today. Is the next 23 years going to be like this? I can’t do this if it is.’

Everything felt very dramatic and very desperate and I felt incredibly sad, because y’know, birthday.

But today, after a long sleep, lots of water and nice, fresh-painted nails, I feel better. So much better. I’m not jumping every time somebody says my name, my thoughts are going at a reasonable pace, and I’m MUCH more able to dismiss the bad thoughts as nothing more than that – thoughts. Again, this is probably in part due to the medication kicking in, but I have to take what I can.

So this explains the title of this post. I’m not na├»ve – I know that the anxious days will come, again and again, although I’m planning on stepping up my mindfulness/positive thinking game, which I’m very hopeful will help things a bit. And yes, I am going to take my medication regularly again.

My point is – today? I’m okay. Anxiety isn’t drowning me. It’s still there – it’s always there – but it’s very manageable. And so today, I am happy. I am enjoying every single second where it doesn’t feel like I’m going under with the pressure of what people are thinking about me. It’s nice, y'know? It’s a really nice feeling.

Hannah x
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2 comments

  1. As someone with anxiety, I definitely understand the need to celebrate the good days. Anxious days come and go, but it's important to remember that they will pass. I'm sorry you were so anxious on your birthday though!

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  2. OMG happy belated birthday!!! I'm sorry to hear that your birthday turned out to be an anxious one though! Well done you for getting through it all, it can only make you stronger. <3

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